Tuesday. 4.10.07 11:54 pm
ok, so im trying to figure something out, ok God never does anything without a reason, ok, so does this mean that i have a lesson to learn from this (obviously) just trying to figure out what it is, I think it maybe to appreciate what you have because it could all go away, but we already know that, we know at the end of the week right before payday that everything is bad, that what we had at first was really good, and we wish we had it back. but we also make do with what we have at the en of the week, even though we want something else we don't have anything else to get, I wanted to eat the oatmeal, was gonna eat it even though it makes me sick, (actual sick, not being figurative)
I think its cause im not working hard enuff to be a better Christian. I am trying to stop cussing, trying to put all my faith in God and that he is going to make it all work out but its hard when you are hungry, and i guess im really not all that hungry i ate some Ramen noodles earlier.
Maybe God sees me as a Glutton and thinks i don't need to eat as much anymore. Which i can understand, I do eat a lot and could stand to lose weight.
Maybe it was because when i said i was giving up cokes it was for a Fasting type thing but i thought people would think i was stupid so i said it was just a notion to lose weight and then had to quit because i wanted something to drink and didn't want to drink water. I think you do get punished for breaking a Fast.
I rationalized it in my head saying we don't have much money, can't be picky about what i drink, but i don't think Lying to God is very smart, God knows why i drank the coke when i vowed not to. I did it cause i was thirsty.
anyway i fell much better now gonna go try the microwave
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